social norms

• Primer on Norwegian Social Norms
  • Formalities
  • Telephone Use
  • Addressing People
  • Neighbors
  • Quiet Time
  • Sundays
  • Dress
  • Punctuality
  • Smoking
  • Restaurants
  • Dogs
  • Personal Security

   

• Accepting an Invitation to Dinner in a Norwegian Home

• Ms. Manners...Did You Know?
  • Dinner Gift
  • Introductions
  • Getting Acquainted with Norwegians
  • Leaving a Norwegian Table

Primer on Norwegian Social Norms

Formalities

When you are introduced to someone, it is expected that you will shake hands - and any greater invasion of private  space is not expected. Even with people you know, you cannot always assume that they appreciate a big bear hug when you meet. It helps to follow their lead.

When at dinner at someone else's, it is common to wait for the host to start eating before you do. It is also common for someone to toast the host/hostess during the meal. The "style" of the toast is to lift your glass, look into the eyes of the person you are toasting, sip the drink, then look back into their eyes and sort of nod before putting the glass down. (don't worry if you can't master this, I know that I haven't!) At the end of the meal it is almost obligatory to thank for the food (Takk for maten). It usually comes from the person seated to the left of the hostess, but feel free to let go of your inhibitions and thank the hostess if you want to. I am sure they will understand since you are not Norwegian (and will probably appreciate your spontaneity)

Parties can last a long time in Norway. It is proper to wait until at least an hour after dinner has been finished and coffee served. Just when you think that you have stuffed yourself with a delicious dinner and dessert, Norwegians retire to the living room where coffee and cakes are usually served. There tends to be a lot of alcohol served at many parties (but there are always non-alcoholic beverages served for designated drivers) so it is best to plan on taking a taxi or having a designated driver. The drunk driving laws in Norway are extremely strict, and most Norwegians who are driving will not even take a sip of alcohol during a party.

At weddings, it is common to have a toastmaster who directs the reception (which usually includes lots of original songs for the couple copied up on sheets of paper and put to familiar tunes). The toastmaster will usually call upon members of the bridal party to give a speech (obligatory for the best man and maid/matron of honor) Weddings can go on for a few days, and at least late into the night.

It is usually expected that guests take a little hostess gift (wine, box of chocolates, bouquet of flowers) for most get-togethers. When people move into a new place, you should bring a housewarming gift the first time you are invited (usually a housewarming party).

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Telephone Use

When calling a Norwegian, they will usually answer the phone by stating the last names of those who live there (a business will answer with the name of the business) and expect you to identify yourself right away - before you ask for anyone.

Saying goodbye can sound like saying hello. Many Norwegians finish telephone conversations by saying "Ha det bra, hei!" Even though it sounds like they are saying Hi, they are really saying goodbye.

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Addressing People

It is common to address people by their first names when you have become acquainted. If you are not acquainted, or the person is in a position of authority (doctors, etc.), you will most likely be expected to use their last names as a form of address. No one uses Herr (Mr.) or Frue (Mrs.) like we do in English, if they don't know your name, they will most likely say "du" (you).

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Neighbors

I don't think that "The Welcome Wagon" concept has made it to Norway, or at least not to Oslo. You can go a long period of time before you meet your neighbors, especially if you are living in a residential area. But even though apartment dwellers may see their neighbors on a regular basis, they can continue on a casual nod basis a long time.

You can get to know your neighbors, though, through dugnads (community work at your apartment/residence) or through your children. Once you get to know your neighbors, they can be very pleasant and helpful.

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Quiet Time

Generally established as the time from 11pm to 7am. It is pretty important to follow this rule when you are living in apartment buildings where sounds can be more noticeable/magnified. You should turn down the stereo and slow the tempo of your party at 11. A good way to avoid this is to invite your neighbors to the party (and a great way to get to know them!)

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Sundays

It was generally unacceptable to use loud outdoor machinery on Sundays, for example lawn mowers, hedge clippers, etc. Nowadays, there are people who mow their lawns on Sundays, but after church hours (1 p.m.) but they may get some dirty looks from more conservative neighbors. You may want to play this by ear. Sunday is family day and it is very common for families to go out for long walks in the woods. In Oslo it is common to go to Nordmarka, or Østmarka for these walks and a stop at a cabin with refreshments is a nice way to take a break.

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Dress

Dress is a difficult subject since it can vary from person to person, place to place. Generally, Norwegians have a little more relaxed dress code at work. As long as you are not in the public eye, you can wear jeans and don't need to wear suits (or pressed shirts for men). It is not impossible to see some of your coworkers wear the same outfit two days in a row either.

When going out, Norwegians tend to dress up. This could be jeans and a nice blouse/shirt/sweater or a nice outfit. The darker the jeans, the dressier they are. Holes in jeans have never really made it as a fashion statement here.

You can ask your host/hostess what type of dress you are expected to wear (grå dress - informal suit, jakke og slips - blazer and tie, blå/mørk dress - dark suit, or smoking - tuxedo) For finer gatherings (especially in bad weather) it is common to wear "outdoor" shoes to the party and carry your "indoor" shoes in a bag. For casual visits, you are expected to take off your shoes at the door. (take slippers or indoor shoes with you if you have cold feet!)

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Punctuality

Norwegians tend to be punctual. Buses and trains are supposed to be punctual, and usually are.

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Smoking

Smoking is becoming very difficult to do in Norway. On June 1st, 2004, Norway became one of the first countries in the world to ban smoking in all workplaces, including restaurants, cafés, and bars. If one wishes to smoke, one must step outside to do it or do it at home.

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Restaurants

Restaurants can be fairly formal affairs (no throwing popcorn or peanuts on the floor here!). The price of eating out can be very tough to swallow (pun intended!) and you may want to make the most out of it by dressing up.

The tips are included in the meal, but as an American I cannot help but leave a tip anyway. The rule I follow is to leave 10% if the service was exceptional, and work it down from there. Norwegians can leave some money for a tip (usually rounding up the bill to the nearest 10 or 100), but do not feel any obligation. (this has actually caused many arguments between my husband and I!)

Checking your coat is obligatory at most fine restaurants in Oslo, so don't be offended when they block your entrance to the dining room and point toward the coat check.

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Dogs

Dogs are very popular here and treated as parts of the family. I have known people to take their dogs to work (no they were not in the restaurant business!) and walking dogs is a form for exercise. I believe that Norwegians invented the little metal hook that attached your dog to your bike so that you can keep up with your dog's pace.

From April 15th to October 15th it is obligatory to use a leash on your dog.

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Personal Security

Norwegians generally feel safe to walk about alone at night, but you should use caution. In the cities (especially Oslo) the drug and gang elements have gained a foothold and you should avoid dark alleyways, and try to stay on main thoroughfares (Karl Johans gate is not the best place at night, even though it is main thoroughfare) Doors are almost always locked here, and mail/newspaper delivery is canceled when on vacation. Each year, there is a rash of burglaries at Easter time (a popular time for travel).

Teenagers and children have more freedom in Norway. They walk to school or take public transportation. Parties start later and clubs don't start cooking until about 12 and are open until about 4am. You have to get to know the other friends and parents a little if you want to be able to keep abreast of what they are up to.

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Accepting an Invitation to Dinner in a Norwegian Home

Having guests to dinner is an important part of entertaining in Norway and is a bit more formal than in the U.S. Following are some of the local customs.

• It is customary to bring a small gift, usually flowers, the first time you visit someone's home. Other acceptable gifts are chocolate, wine, liquor, or a hostess gift.

• Norwegians are punctual. If the invitation is for 8:00 p.m., arrive at 8:00 p.m. -- not 7:50 p.m. or 8:05 p.m..

• Instead of waiting for the host to introduce you to everyone, when you first arrive, introduce yourself and shake hands with those who are already present.

• At the table, wait until the host has formally welcomed everyone to his home and offered the first Skål (toast) before you take a drink.

• At dinner parties, the person sitting to the left of the hostess is usually the guest of honor.  As such, that person is expected to give a Skål and short speech at the end of the meal to thank the host and hostess for the meal (takk for maten). The speech/toast usually includes flattering references to the food, decor, and company, a joke, and then the Skål.

• After the meal, before retiring to the living room, each guest thanks the hostess with a "takk for maten" (thanks for the food).

• When leaving a small gathering, it is customary to shake the hands and say good night to everyone present.

• The next time you meet the host or hostess, greet them with "takk for sist" which means thanks for the last time we saw each other.

Adapted from the information in the Oslo International School Parent's Association Welcome Packet.

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Ms. Manners...Did You Know?

Ms. Manners was a monthly column in the Fjord Flyer back in the late '80s. We found a few good tips that are still relevant today. Do you have a question about etiquette here in Norway or something you'd like to share that would spare others some embarrassment? Send them in and we'll publish them here.

Dinner Gift

If you are invited to a Norwegian home for dinner or supper (aftens) it is generally considered polite to bring a small token of appreciation to the hostess/host, e.g., a bouquet of flowers or a box of candy.

Yes, and never bring a plant or an even number of flowers to a person in the hospital.
December 1987

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Introductions

Whenever you are in a social gathering with Norwegians you are expected to introduce yourself and shake hand with the other people present. Don’t expect you Norwegian host or hostess to take you around and introduce you, as is the custom often back home. That is your responsibility and then if there are others who arrive after you do, they will in turn introduce themselves to you.
February 1988

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Getting acquainted with Norwegians

Have you ever wondered what became of the “Welcome Wagon” in Norway? Well, most Norwegians don’t realize what it is like to be a newcomer so their thoughts about making contact tend to be often the opposite of an American’s…they will wait for you to take the initiative. Invite your Norwegian neighbor over for a cup of coffee, and break the ice.
March 1988

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Leaving a Norwegian table

Upon finishing a meal in a Norwegian home and leaving the table it is customary to say “takk for maten” (thank you for the food) to the hostess or host.  If it happens to be a family dinner where the children leave the table first, they are expected to shake hands personally with the host and hostess and say “takk for maten” before going out.
May 1988

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